I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
