your parents love me but you hate me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Randomize
