how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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