Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize