that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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