i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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