Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
