oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
