The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize