found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
