We're facebook friends in real life
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
