had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize