Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
