I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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