he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to make out with him forever
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
