take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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