Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize