My liver just broke up with me...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
