Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
