bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
