i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
