windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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