lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
