I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
