i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
