We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
