I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
