I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
