I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I supernannyed him into submission
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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