I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
