so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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