K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
