gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
