Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
