i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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