Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
