Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
