I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is Oprah even human
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
