Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
