Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
love makes seman taste better
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
