Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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