At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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