its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I FOUND THE LEGS
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
