and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
