Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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