He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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