I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
