in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
