I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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