His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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