somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
