so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
