Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
