I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize