it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
