Just cropdusted the office
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
