I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
