it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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