Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
did i walk over a car last night?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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