It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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