saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
