Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I AM VODKA MAN
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
