she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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