i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize