Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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