My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
