Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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