remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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