So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
