Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize