I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
