I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
