I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
