That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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