i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
