Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
