i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize