hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
