So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
