But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
