I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize