It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
