He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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