glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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