turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
