I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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