Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
wow bdsm is so cute
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
