what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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