Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
