Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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