So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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