carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
