I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
