Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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