I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm just crazy horny about you
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I had to cum in my sink.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
