Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
