I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
