I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
