you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
