I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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