I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
