currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
