I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
