I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
