at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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