theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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