True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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