I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
